Knot Best of Weddings 2012

Weddings

Officiant Services

Dr. Jeanne Matthews Sommer

Since 1987, when I first began cel­e­brat­ing mar­riages, I have found this to be one of the most ful­fill­ing parts of my life as a min­is­ter. To have the chance to work with cou­ples as they make this major tran­si­tion in their lives is indeed a priv­i­lege. My phi­los­o­phy is this:  if cou­ples come to the point of mar­ry­ing, it is likely that they are already betrothed to one another in their hearts. The mar­riage cel­e­bra­tion is a pub­lic affir­ma­tion of a per­sonal covenant. Some cou­ples express this bond with ref­er­ence to God, oth­ers do not.  Some­times one per­son in the mar­riage is more overtly reli­gious or spir­i­tual than the other. Mar­riages these days are not as sim­ple as they per­haps once were when overt reli­gios­ity and a church wed­ding were the norm.

My job is to help the cou­ples to share this very pri­vate part of their lives with their friends and fam­i­lies. To express why it is that two peo­ple have found in one another a suit­able life’s part­ner is a chal­leng­ing task that words alone can­not eas­ily con­vey. I love this chal­lenge. I spend time talk­ing with the cou­ple about why they love each other, how they met, their hopes and their dreams for their union, etc.

Friends & Family

I look for ways to involve, if desired, their fam­ily and friends, or at least, to be able to express on the cou­ples’ behalf their thanks­giv­ing for the ways these peo­ple have shaped them as indi­vid­u­als and as a cou­ple. If it is a sec­ond mar­riage or if there are chil­dren involved, I try to work with the par­tic­u­lar­i­ties of the fam­ily as a whole.

Here is the basic for­mat of what I do to accom­plish this:

  • I meet with cou­ples in per­son or via a con­fer­ence call for about an hour or two.
  • I lis­ten to sto­ries of your love and how you envi­sion the ceremony.
  • I find out about your fam­ily back­grounds and what you love to do so that what I envi­sion with you will be unique to you and pleas­ant for all involved. From this meet­ing, I get a gen­eral sense of how to proceed.
  • I then email mate­ri­als for the cou­ple to con­sider such as a sam­ple order of ser­vice, vows they might select or use to write their own and read­ings that could be appropriate.
  • With a few more emails back and forth, we finally have an order of ser­vice, which I can put to print on the cou­ples’ behalf or they can do, if they have their own printer.
  • On the day before the wed­ding, the cou­ple and their wed­ding party gather at the site and I con­duct a rehearsal.
  • We work out any kinks in the rehearsal and then we pre­pare for the next day.
  • I encour­age the cou­ples to be as relaxed and rested as pos­si­ble dur­ing these next 24 hours or so to take time alone and together and to avoid if pos­si­ble, last minute details related to the recep­tion, etc.

Rela­tion­ships That Endure

So often, we place great empha­sis upon the exter­nals of a wed­ding and can for­get why we are gath­ered together. Long after the flow­ers and pho­tos have faded and the dress is packed away or sold, the vows and the rela­tion­ship will endure. This is what mat­ters the most, and for this there is not real price that can be paid, to me or to any­one, to make this work. The cou­ple needs to be present to the moment and to each other as they antic­i­pate a long life together. There­fore, I try to help cou­ples remem­ber this, from the moment I meet them until they find them­selves, stand­ing qui­etly before one another, hold­ing hands and say­ing their vows to each other.

The Beauty of “Old Love”

We live in a world where com­mit­ments are eas­ily dis­carded and where few peo­ple have ever seen the beauty of “old love.” I like to help the cou­ples see them­selves as two old growth trees that are located in Joyce Kilmer National For­est. They are 500 year old poplars who stand side by side, abid­ing all that passes their way. That’s what we are hop­ing for at Hid­den River: this kind of beau­ti­ful, old love.

The peo­ple for whom I have offi­ci­ated often express great appre­ci­a­tion for the joy­ous spirit I bring to their occa­sion, for the stead­fast way I work with them lead­ing up to the day—usually through email if the cou­ple lives at a dis­tance from me—and for the way I take the seeds of their love and help, through word and rit­ual, this love to blos­som on the day of their wed­ding. I “love to love” so the chance to serve cou­ples from a vari­ety of reli­gious or cultural/ethnic back­grounds makes my soul expand even more. Per­son­ally, I see this gift for mar­ry­ing cou­ples as a way to give wit­ness to my own faith as it is rooted in sim­ply “lov­ing as I have been loved.”

We invite you to con­sider my skills as you decide which offi­ciant is right for you. We are pleased to offer you a beau­ti­ful farm and guest houses at Hid­den River for your event, but I also remain wil­ing to travel within the region to offi­ci­ate at wed­dings else­where.  Please, do not hes­i­tate to call or email me if you think I can be of help to you at this time in your life.

Con­grat­u­la­tions. This is exciting!

*I am ordained as a min­is­ter in the Pres­by­ter­ian Church (USA) and thereby licensed to offi­ci­ate at wed­dings. My the­ol­ogy of min­istry, which is rooted in Chris­t­ian Reformed the­ol­ogy, pro­motes the kind of open lov­ing kind­ness I bring to mar­riage cer­e­monies. My work as a full-time Pro­fes­sor of Reli­gious Stud­ies at War­ren Wil­son Col­lege, gives me knowl­edge and wis­dom con­cern­ing a wide range of beliefs and prac­tices, reli­gious and sec­u­lar. Again, to use the tree analo­gies I so love, I see myself as a strongly rooted tree, with wide branches reach­ing out to the sur­round­ings so a lot of dif­fer­ent crea­tures can rest in her shade and find beauty in within her presence.

Please con­tact us if you would like to learn more.

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